In the matter of
The Great Keyboard Schism of 2024
The Honorable Judge Steel, presiding
Case #e12b915… · Filed May 12, 2026 · No appeals. Don't even try.
Two individuals have presented what can generously be called 'arguments' regarding keyboard layout supremacy. Both parties have confused stating their preference with making a case.
🔵 Bert
Claims AZERTY is superior 'as you know' - an appeal to assumed common knowledge
🔴 Ernie 👑
Associates QWERTY with 'sophistication and technical prowess' - at least attempts to assign qualities
🔍 The Court's Analysis
1. Neither party has presented actual evidence. 2. Bert's 'as you know' assumes facts not in evidence and reeks of lazy argumentation. 3. Ernie at least attempts to attribute characteristics to their preferred layout, though 'sophistication' is subjective nonsense. 4. The fatal flaw: both parties confused personal preference with objective superiority. 5. However, Ernie's argument structure, while flawed, at least resembles an argument.
The Court Rules
Ernie wins by default for attempting to provide reasoning, however thin. Bert's argument doesn't survive contact with basic logic.
When the bar is set this low, even stepping over it counts as achievement.
So ordered, with unnecessary ceremony,
⚔️ Judge Steel
The Argument Settler Court · A Tribunal of Questionable Jurisdiction
The court invites public opinion.
It won't change the verdict, but it might feel cathartic.