In the matter of
The Great Frozen Divide
The Honorable Judge Solomon, presiding
Case #df3b147… · Filed Feb 16, 2026 · No appeals. Don't even try.
Two souls clash over the supreme frozen dessert. Ben champions the textured chaos of rocky road, while Jerry defends the sophisticated depths of rum raisin.
🔵 ben 👑
Rocky road offers variety in every spoonful—nuts, marshmallows, chocolate creating a symphony of textures
🔴 jerry
Rum raisin represents refined taste, a complex flavor profile that separates adults from children
🔍 The Court's Analysis
Ah, the eternal struggle between chaos and sophistication. Rocky road is democracy in a cone—something for everyone, immediate gratification, joy without pretense. Rum raisin is aristocracy frozen—acquired taste, delayed pleasure, the ice cream equivalent of reading poetry. Yet consider: which flavor do children reach for first? Which do grandparents savor slowly? The masses have spoken across generations.
The Court Rules
Rocky road embraces life's beautiful messiness while rum raisin demands you earn its affection. In matters of frozen joy, accessibility trumps exclusivity.
"As the ancients knew: the dessert that welcomes all tongues conquers all hearts."
So ordered, with unnecessary ceremony,
🦉 Judge Solomon
The Argument Settler Court · A Tribunal of Questionable Jurisdiction
The court invites public opinion.
It won't change the verdict, but it might feel cathartic.